Chapters 1 and 2 - Marriage in the Old and New Testaments

Kelly Ann Marino

Hey everyone, welcome back to the FC Residency channel on marriage. Its amazing that as Year 1 students, you are already in the Spring semester. After our unit on marriage and family, we only have our units on ecclesiology and systematic theology before the Year 1 final exam. We really hope that you can feel the importance that the leadership of Family Church places on your development as leaders. We also hope that you can feel the effort that Dr. Mark and his team has invested in your class. I’m Kelly Ann Marino, here with Paul Sheffield. Today, we're diving into Chapters 2 and 3 of our primary text, God, Marriage and Family by Andreas Kostenberger. We will focus on the origins of marriage, all the way back to Genesis. I think this is where so much clarity—well, maybe also confusion—starts. Genesis paints marriage as God’s creative design—male and female, both in God’s image, meant to co-rule. But there’s a twist, right? The first man carries this ultimate responsibility, and the woman is called his “suitable helper”—even though that word can make some folks bristle. But before we go any further, I keep thinking of my friend whose sibling…gosh, it’s a touchy memory. They went through a messy estrangement, no one really talking, and I kept seeing how all the little ways people missed each other’s needs just snowballed. Sometimes we know the ideal—what God designed—and we fall so short, and the consequence is pain. Anyway, it makes me wonder how much our longing for real connection and restoration is just baked into our hearts from the very beginning.

Paul Sheffield

That’s a powerful way to put it, Kelly. I—well, let’s be honest—a lot of us struggle with those breakdowns. Genesis 1 to 3 really sets the foundation. You see, God creates humanity—male and female—as His image bearers, partners in stewardship, but with differing roles. That phrase, “suitable helper”—it actually conveys tremendous dignity and worth. It’s not about hierarchy but a functional, relational dance, you might say. But then Genesis 3 happens: the fall. Suddenly, marriage isn’t just partnership, it’s this site of struggle—roles become distorted, there’s blame, pain, toil. But even in the fallout, there’s hope. Genesis 3:15, the protoevangelium, hints that one day, restoration will come, crushing the serpent’s head. I guess it shows that the mess in our marriages isn’t new—it's ancient, but so is the hope for something better.

Kelly Ann Marino

If you track through Israel’s history after Genesis, all these issues just keep echoing, don’t they? The ideal is there—monogamy, fidelity, complementarity—but the reality rarely lives up. Think polygamy with the patriarchs, divorce popping up everywhere, blurred gender roles, even kings like Solomon with hundreds of wives. Still, you catch these glimpses of the roles—husbands loving and providing, wives bringing companionship, keeping the household, like Ruth or the woman in Proverbs 31. Paul, you had a story about David’s family life, right?

Paul Sheffield

Oh, yeah. King David—boy, that’s a cautionary tale. He had multiple wives, which already set the stage for jealousy and upheaval—Abigail was wise, a positive partner, but there was Bathsheba…David’s infidelity there had ripple effects, led to violence in his own household. If you contrast that with Ruth and Boaz, you see a redemptive model: Boaz protects and uplifts Ruth, honoring God’s vision. The Old Testament really gives us realism and aspiration side by side. It makes it clear—when those roles and responsibilities break down, life gets, well, real messy.

Kelly Ann Marino

And yet, I love that the biblical story holds that tension: we see brokenness, but also these moments—like Hannah and Elkanah, or Rachel and Jacob—where companionship and faithfulness shine through. It reminds me that, even in the struggle, God’s design and grace are still present, calling us back to something deeper than just duty or tradition.

Paul Sheffield

When we get to the New Testament—Jesus really re-centers the discussion. Instead of relaxing the standard, He doubles down on how sacred marriage is. “What God has joined together, let no one separate”—that’s from Matthew 19. It’s not just about law, it’s about embodying God’s heart. Then Paul takes it further, especially in Ephesians 5—he says marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s relationship with the Church. Husbands are called to love sacrificially, like Christ loved us; wives submit as the Church does, but it’s all under the Spirit’s guidance, not old legal codes or cultural pressure.

Kelly Ann Marino

Yeah—I resonate with that. Growing up in a blended family, it was never about strict roles—my parents made partnership a verb. “Loving complementarity,” Paul puts it. Not just “who does the dishes?” but how can we both show up, shaped by grace, putting the other before ourselves? I like that the biblical vision isn’t just hierarchy—it’s about mutual self-giving, learning to serve and lead in love, which sometimes runs against what any culture—ancient or modern—says marriage “should” be.

Paul Sheffield

Right—and Paul keeps pointing us to Christ. Marriage isn’t the end goal. It’s part of God’s bigger plan, drawing us to Himself, teaching us about commitment, sacrifice, and unity. It’s demanding, no doubt, but it’s always grounded in redemption—living out what Christ has already set in motion.

Kelly Ann Marino

So, let’s talk practical. How do we live out that sacrificial love, that mutual respect, day-to-day? The book gives some clear starting points: be patient, communicate with grace, and carve out regular moments for devotion and prayer together. Start small, but make space for God to enter those routines. For me, writing little notes to my spouse or taking a quiet walk together can do more than big gestures sometimes—just a simple act to say, “I see you, and we’re in this together.”

Paul Sheffield

Absolutely. And when conflicts come up—which they always do—it’s about humility, listening, offering forgiveness. Addressing issues early, not letting resentment fester, modeling Christ’s reconciliation. When you do that, it doesn’t just change your marriage, it also becomes a witness to your friends, your church, maybe even your kids and neighbors. People watch how we walk through the mess, not just the pretty moments.

Paul Sheffield

One thing I’ve seen—and, Kelly, maybe you’ve experienced this too—is that spiritual disciplines anchor us. Regular prayer, reading Scripture together, worship—it deepens not just your faith, but your connection as a couple. And don’t underestimate the power of listening. I can’t tell you how often, as a pastor, I’d watch couples skip right to “fixing” a problem instead of slowing down to really hear what each other was aching to say. If you aim to understand before acting, you open a door to real growth.

Kelly Ann Marino

Yes! And I’ll add—set goals as a team, not just individually. Track your spiritual, relational, even personal growth together. It builds a spirit of encouragement and accountability, and it keeps you both looking forward. For my family, it’s as simple as a Sunday check-in: “How are we doing? Where is God nudging us to grow?” It’s not about perfection, but progress—and walking in grace, always.

Kelly Ann Marino

As we wrap up, I think intentionality is the thread weaving through all we’ve talked about. Develop a shared vision for your marriage—talk about where you want to go, the values and dreams that will shape you together. Make regular time to check in—not just on chores, but on your hearts, your challenges, your joys. And don’t forget the small acts—an encouraging word, a cup of coffee, just reaching out to hold hands on a rough day. Those daily choices of care build trust and nurture intimacy over the long haul.

Paul Sheffield

That’s the heartbeat of a lasting partnership, Kelly. Growth doesn’t happen by accident, and neither does a healthy marriage. It takes honest recalibration, purposeful service, a willingness to celebrate victories and own your mistakes. Keep reinforcing your partnership with those intentional steps, and remember—it’s Christ who sustains the journey. That’s a comfort and a challenge, all at once.

Kelly Ann Marino

That’s a good word, Paul. I hope today’s conversation gives each of you something to talk about or try in your own marriage or relationships. We’re always growing, and you’re not alone on the journey.

Paul Sheffield

Thanks for sharing your time with us. Kelly, always a gift to talk with you. And to everyone out there—take care, keep pressing in, and we’ll see you next time on FC Residency.

Kelly Ann Marino

Thank you, Paul. And thank you, friends, for listening with such open hearts. Until next time—goodbye.